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Quotes by Jay Leno

This is a busy time for President Clinton. Not only does he have that thing in Kosovo, it's also prom season.
– Jay Leno
This Ken Starr report is now posted on the Internet. I'll bet Clinton's glad he put a computer in every classroom.
– Jay Leno
Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess.
– Jay Leno
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
– Jay Leno
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.
– Jay Leno
Tom Brokaw is leaving. Dan Rather is leaving. You realize the most trusted guy in television news will wind up being Geraldo Rivera.
– Jay Leno
Twenty-one years ago today Saddam Hussein was first elected president of Iraq and he has been re-elected ever since. Apparently they have the same electoral process we do, you don't need the popular vote to win.
– Jay Leno
U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?
– Jay Leno
Vice President Cheney is also on vacation. He's in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. What better place for a guy who has had 4 heart attacks than a place with thin air, rugged hiking and all-beef dinners? Why don't they get some snow for him to shovel while he's out there, too?
– Jay Leno
War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'
– Jay Leno
We have an important decision to make now about who controls Iraq. You know, that's a critical question, because it's who we're going to be fighting in five to ten years.
– Jay Leno
Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?
– Jay Leno
Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein.
– Jay Leno
You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch.
– Jay Leno
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
– Jay Leno
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good…Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
– Jay Leno
There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.
– Jay Leno
You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.
– Jay Leno
You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
– Jay Leno
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
– Jay Leno
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
– Jay Leno
Politics is just show business for ugly people.
– Jay Leno