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Quotes by Billy Connolly

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
– Billy Connolly
I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.
– Billy Connolly
I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
– Billy Connolly
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
– Billy Connolly
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
– Billy Connolly
I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
– Billy Connolly
I'm very big in Australia, New Zealand, Britain, Canada and America. It's nice. I have a lovely life, and actually it pays better than the movies. Well, it doesn't pay better than Tom Cruise in the movies. But it pays better than I get. I get bus fare compared to these guys.
– Billy Connolly
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
– Billy Connolly
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
– Billy Connolly
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
– Billy Connolly
The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
– Billy Connolly
Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day.
– Billy Connolly
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
– Billy Connolly
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
– Billy Connolly
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
– Billy Connolly
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
– Billy Connolly
I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
– Billy Connolly
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.
– Billy Connolly