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Quotes by Finley Peter Dunne

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
– Finley Peter Dunne
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
– Finley Peter Dunne
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
– Finley Peter Dunne
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
– Finley Peter Dunne
Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
– Finley Peter Dunne
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
– Finley Peter Dunne
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
– Finley Peter Dunne
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
– Finley Peter Dunne
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
– Finley Peter Dunne
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
– Finley Peter Dunne
The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
– Finley Peter Dunne
There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
– Finley Peter Dunne
There are no friends at cards or world politics.
– Finley Peter Dunne
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
– Finley Peter Dunne
Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th'ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.
– Finley Peter Dunne