Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
– George Burns
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
– George Burns
At my age flowers scare me.
– George Burns
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
– George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
– George Burns
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
– George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
– George Burns
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
– George Burns
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
– George Burns
How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.
– George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
– George Burns
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
– George Burns
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
– George Burns
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
– George Burns
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
– George Burns
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
– George Burns
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
– George Burns
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
– George Burns
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
– George Burns
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
– George Burns
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
– George Burns
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
– George Burns
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
– George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
– George Burns
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
– George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
– George Burns
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.
– George Burns
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
– George Burns
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
– George Burns
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
– George Burns
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
– George Burns
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
– George Burns
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
– George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
– George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
– George Burns
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
– George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
– George Burns
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
– George Burns
I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
– George Burns
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
