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Quotes by Lenny Bruce

A lot of people say to me, Why did you kill Christ? I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him.
– Lenny Bruce
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
– Lenny Bruce
Communism is like one big phone company.
– Lenny Bruce
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
– Lenny Bruce
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
– Lenny Bruce
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
– Lenny Bruce
If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
– Lenny Bruce
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
– Lenny Bruce
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
– Lenny Bruce
Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
– Lenny Bruce
The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no what should be, there is only what is.
– Lenny Bruce
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
– Lenny Bruce
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
– Lenny Bruce
The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are - it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know - Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!
– Lenny Bruce
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
– Lenny Bruce
There are never enough I Love You's.
– Lenny Bruce
Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
– Lenny Bruce
When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
– Lenny Bruce