Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
– Mike Harding
Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold hasn't done anything to them.
– Mike Harding
He once had his toes amputated so he could stand closer to the bar.
– Mike Harding
If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.
– Mike Harding
The Ruffed Padanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't take it too seriously.