You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
– Ron White
When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
– Ron White
There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
– Ron White
The next time you have a thought... let it go.
– Ron White
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
– Ron White
Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.
– Ron White
I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.
– Ron White
I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
– Ron White
I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.
– Ron White
I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.
– Ron White
I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.
– Ron White
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
– Ron White
But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.