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Quotes by Scott Adams

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
– Scott Adams
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
– Scott Adams
I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.
– Scott Adams
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
– Scott Adams
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
– Scott Adams
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
– Scott Adams
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
– Scott Adams
Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
– Scott Adams
Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
– Scott Adams
Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
– Scott Adams
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
– Scott Adams
The only risk of failure is promotion.
– Scott Adams
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
– Scott Adams
You don't have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
– Scott Adams
I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
– Scott Adams
Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
– Scott Adams
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
– Scott Adams
You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.
– Scott Adams
Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.
– Scott Adams
Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.
– Scott Adams
When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
– Scott Adams
There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.
– Scott Adams
The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.
– Scott Adams
The best things in life are silly.
– Scott Adams
The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.
– Scott Adams
Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.
– Scott Adams
Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
– Scott Adams
Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.
– Scott Adams
Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.
– Scott Adams
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
– Scott Adams
Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
– Scott Adams
It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
– Scott Adams
I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.
– Scott Adams
Home is pretty utopian.
– Scott Adams