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Funny Quotes

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
– Rita Rudner
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I was a hop-around. I hung out with the rockabilly crew, the guys who were trying to be rappers, the funny kids.
– Katy Perry
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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
– Mitch Hedberg
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I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.
– Katy Perry
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I want to be in 'Funny Girl.' And I want Ryan Murphy to direct it.
– Lea Michele
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I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'
– Demetri Martin
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I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?
– Andy Warhol
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I used to say I wanted somebody funny and intelligent, but kindness is the most important quality in a man.
– Cat Deeley
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I understand a woman who validates herself by getting attention from the opposite sex. I have a friend who is that to a T... Doesn't mean she isn't a good person. That's a funny character to play.
– Cheryl Hines
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I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.
– Jerry Lewis
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I took 'P.S. I Love You' thinking it was going to be a little funny, and I ended up crying every day on that film.
– Hilary Swank
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I thought I was funny as a kid.
– Jo Brand
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I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.
– Steve Martin
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I think when you do comedy, you play by a different set of rules. No one really wants you to be in that good shape. Being in good shape implies a level of vanity that isn't necessarily funny.
– Seth Rogen
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I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.
– Larry David
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I think things are funny when the character is taking it totally seriously.
– Rachel Weisz
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I think there's something in the fact that it's hard to be good looking and funny. You have to have an oddball quality people have to sympathise with you to find you funny.
– Chris O'Dowd
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I think there have always been funny women, from Carol Burnett to Joan Rivers. When the audience sees a woman, they innately know she's worked twice as hard to get there, she's had to prove that she can be the leader, first, and then be funny on top of it. She has to emit a confidence that she's in control.
– Wendy Liebman
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I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake.
– Leslie Fiedler
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I think the Cold War works as a great analogy or simile for different kinds of conflict. It's funny, when you look back at it, it's one of the last times that the boundaries were clear. Now, as we see on 'Homeland,' there are no clear boundaries and enemies.
– Matthew Rhys
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I think that 'Hangover II' is as funny as 'The Hangover I,' honest to God, but I think that it's a little bit darker, and the stakes are a little bit higher.
– Todd Phillips
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I think sometimes my humor is extremely dry, and a lot of times I would say things that I thought were very funny but... I have a reputation of - people think of me as a very fundamentalist, humorless fellow.
– Ian MacKaye
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
– Demetri Martin
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I think serial monogamy says it all.
– Tracey Ullman
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I think people like comedies and I think concept driven comedies seem to be working when it's a clear concept and you deliver funny stuff.
– Todd Phillips
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I think one of the basic tasks in life - one of the nice things we can do for each other - is to take things that are horrible and scary and make them acceptable and less frightening and, if possible, funny. It feels great to succeed at that.
– Julia Sweeney
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I think it's so funny when people think they can't control a movie star. They can. We're just women, you know.
– Esther Williams
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
– Jerry Seinfeld
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I think it's always funny when you see kids do Shakespeare.
– Steve Coogan
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I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't.
– Olivia Munn
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I think it's actually a misperception that I am a comedic actress. I do more drama than comedy but very little of it has been seen. When you are in big funny movies and they do well and your little part in it kind of explodes people perceive you as a comedian.
– Octavia Spencer
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I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
– Zach Galifianakis
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I think if actors don't think of themselves as funny in real life they think they can't do comedy.
– Ben Barnes
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I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny.
– Martin Short
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I think I would say 'The King's Speech' is surprisingly funny, in fact the audiences in London, Toronto, LA, New York commented there's more laughter in this film than in most comedies, while it is also a moving tear-jerker with an uplifting ending.
– Tom Hooper
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I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple, that what I find funny finds a wide audience. I'm not particularly intellectual or clever or minority-focused in my creative instincts. And I'm certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions.
– Rowan Atkinson
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I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.
– Moon Unit Zappa
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I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic... That to me was funny.
– Christopher Meloni
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I think a lot of times on TV we see caricatures - that's what's funny.
– Mayim Bialik
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
– Demetri Martin
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I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.
– Sloane Crosley
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I think 'Saturday Night Live', starting in the 1970s, really gave women an outlet to be funny. A lot of those women went on to have film careers, from Kristen Wiig now to Tina Fey and Gilda Radner.
– Emma Stone
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I tend to play characters that I can infuse with certain kinds of humour. Even the baddest guy can be funny in his own particular way. I want the audience to engage with the character on some deeper level so that they leave the cinema still thinking about him.
– Samuel L. Jackson
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I tend to head for what's amusing because a lot of things aren't happy. But usually you can find a funny side to practically anything.
– Maggie Smith
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I tell you, it's funny because the only time I think about HIV is when I have to take my medicine twice a day.
– Magic Johnson
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I tell girls all the time that the men that have fallen in love with me, have all fallen during a man repeller stage... funny how life works out like that.
– Rachel Roy
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I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips.
– R. L. Stine
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I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said.
– Lyn Nofziger
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I show them the funny part, the silly part, the laughing part, the crazy part and then the really deep, deep part where I'm talking from my heart to these people. Because I've been through everything they've been through.
– Richard Simmons
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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
– Arnold Schwarzenegger
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I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.
– Charlie Sheen
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I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny.
– Taylor Swift
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I remember listening to the radio as a kid and finding that the songs always made me feel more peaceful. Funny, but the more hurtin' the music was, the better it made me feel. I think of that now when I write my songs. I may not be feelin' the blues myself, but I'm writing them for other people who have a hard life.
– Chris Isaak
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I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.
– Rob Corddry
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I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
– Mitch Hedberg
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I recently spent quite a bit of time in Sheffield, England, which is where I'm from. I wouldn't move back there, but it's funny when you spend a bit of time in the place where you were brought up. You kind of realize how that place has had quite a big effect on you or made you a certain way.
– Jarvis Cocker
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I really wanted to just be a musician. I didn't want to be anything else, but I was funny and all that.
– Jamie Foxx
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I really love 'Soapdish.' I wish 'Soapdish' had more of a moment because I felt that that is a really strong, funny movie. Kevin Kline is hilarious in that movie.
– Elisabeth Shue
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I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line.
– Bob Newhart
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I read a lot of scripts that I just don't find very funny.
– Jennifer Aniston
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I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
– Richard Lewis
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I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
– Lena Dunham
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I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink.
– Karl Lagerfeld
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I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I don't think you can try to be funny. Some people are just funny.
– Christopher Walken
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I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up.
– Lynda Barry
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I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.
– Eddie Izzard
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I mean, I'm married first of all to one of, if not the most wonderful women in the world. She is everything - funny, attractive, hard-working, she has integrity, she loves me to bits.
– Seal
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I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
– Sarah Silverman
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I mean, I - it's so funny, I am, you know, I am, you know, a working woman out in the world, but I still live with my parents half the time. I've been sort of taking this very long, stuttering period of moving out.
– Lena Dunham
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I mean it's funny, playing music, how of course you want it to do well, you want them to like it, but it's not competitive like an election, it's the Olympics, it's not a Formula 1 race. The Billboard charts are just to show you what people like.
– Eddie Van Halen
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I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.
– Daniel Radcliffe
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I love weird or funny or beautiful sentences Joy Williams could write a microwave-oven manual and I'm sure I'd love it, because the sentences would be tuned up like music.
– Karen Russell
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I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.
– David Sedaris
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I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful, but I'm annoying, and a phony.
– Anne Lamott
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I love nerds. Comic-Con junkies are the tastemakers of tomorrow. Isn't that funny? The tables have turned.
– Kristen Bell
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I love New York. I was sad, depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they've done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny, have a distraction.
– Ben Stiller
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I love Mikhail Bulgakov. He is very original and takes the story to unexpected places. I didn't realise political writing could be so funny.
– Denise Mina
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I love funny people, and when I'm with funny people, or people who are amusing in their weirdness, I love it. Because that to me is funny, as opposed to someone who stops and says, 'Hey let me tell you a joke.'
– Paul Feig
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I love Charlie, Billy Burke's character. Writing for him is so spectacular, he's so funny and wry and every scene he's in he just takes. There's a scene in 'Eclipse' where Bella tells him she's a virgin, and it's the funniest, most awkward scene I've ever seen on film.
– Melissa Rosenberg
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I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
– Mitch Hedberg
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I love a smart, well-written show, and '30 Rock,' well, you can't get any better than that. Tina Fey poos funny. There's nothing that she does that isn't funny. That show is an example of how brilliant she is. It's so smart. They've done some brilliant commentary about the 'Housewives' with 'Queen of Jordan,' their show-within-the-show.
– Andy Cohen
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I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.
– Lynda Barry
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I liked getting the best villain award. I thought that was funny.
– Stephen Dorff
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I like the hot-cold, the sugar-salt, being able to play over-the-top and dramatic things - in the same film. Just as in my life, I can be very funny and at other times almost extinguished.
– Jean Dujardin
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I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
– Mitch Hedberg
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I like marriage. The idea.
– Toni Morrison
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I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.
– Megan Fox
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I like all Jim Carrey films. They're really funny.
– Rupert Grint
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I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
– Steve Martin
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I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go.
– Gertrude Stein
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I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.
– Lalu Prasad Yadav
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I know people will think it's funny because I've done glamour modelling in the past, but I felt embarrassed about my body and just wanted to cover it up.
– Jennifer Ellison
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I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
– Mitch Hedberg
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I knew exactly what to do on Alien, it was funny.
– Ridley Scott
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I just couldn't go back to Suddenly Susan after David Strickland's suicide. I didn't see how we could make the show light and funny any more.
– Judd Nelson
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I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.
– Patty Duke
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I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
– Gloria Steinem
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I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
– Don Rickles
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I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom.
– Julia Louis Dreyfus
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I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up.
– Matt LeBlanc
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